Creative Excursion Diary #2: Creative Rage

I consider myself a member of a scar clan. That is to say, a collective conscious of souls who have cried oceans of un-cried tears, like the life waiting in their womb, these tears descend from her mother, her grandmother, her great grandmothers.

What she cannot find the courage to cry may be passed down to her daughter. 

All woman have stories as vast and deep as fairytales.  Many of those stories are filled with rage. But like the tale of the young woman who lived in a fragrant pine forest and who stood up to a ravenous bear (“The Cresent Moon Bear”), in our stories we are confronted with the messy emotions that lives in the base of our fiery spine.

Every emotion carries a knowing edge (knowledge), a temporary place that we find ourselves at one moment but will soon disappear. Here, our rage can become our teacher. But we are told that our anger, our rage is bad for us.

It may even send us to an early grave. Rage does kill; it does so when left to its own destructive devises. The rage of fragile white men and the ease at which they can attain weapons of mass murder, is an indication of an epidemic in white supremist masculinity.

But you see, the thing about anger is, it is fire. It is heat. It is energy that moves at rapid rates of release from a deepness of being we have become tragically closed off to.   But goddess be damned, she rises. She rises whether you know it, want it, acknowledge it, feel it, speak it, scream it, or not.

She is the warrior dance that fills your lungs at night with hot sweat. She is like the molten lava that erupts tops of mountains into ash. Yeah, she can be a so-called ‘bitch.’ She is hard to handle.

Venting her out can ware on the psyche. And can often feel like lighting a gasoline house on fire. But she is also a creative force. That means she moves stagnant energy within us and through her slash and burn approach creates ample fertile ground to make magic on.

So much of my art comes from applying self-love to parts of myself that have atrophied due to 15 years of suppressed anger.  PTSD woke up my sacred anger. I have been a witness to the hard love of prolonged depressive states. It was perhaps that anger that also created a balance through hypo-manic bouts of inspired creativity.

I have also learnt that if anger is not transformed into something else, the forest of the imagination becomes dark and over grown. I find myself unable to move within my own mind. Creative processes dissipate the second I reach for them until the urges disappear all together.

Creative ritual has enabled me to sit with my anger. I put myself on a journey into a specific aspect of my psyche that feels wounded. Feels blown apart. I calm myself into how she finds herself with me here. I take those photos. I hold my breath until the shudder clicks, and when all is said and done I have created something beautiful out of those feelings. I do not have to be afraid that they will never be fully acknowledged because I DID THE HARD WORK TO ACKNOWLEDGE THEM. And in this one life, that’s all that really matters.

No one will sweep your anger away. The world will not stop hurting people.

These images tell a very specific story that connects to a very specific scenario but I believe come from a place deep within me that transcends any recent events.

The dormant apple tree’s are symbols of fertile decay. The vast and vulnerable within. During the wintertime apple tree roots pull nutrients from deep within the ground. The sleeping orchard is also a symbol of where a woman steals away too during times in her life when it is clear that an inner transformation is required or underway. It is a gathering place of her conscious and subconscious psyche. It is a place of alchemy, it is a place where anger can become fruitfull.

The yellow veil is a symbol of karmic choice in processing intergenerational trauma. In feminist psychology the veil inspires those who wear her to take on whatever essence she wishes. The energy of the solar plexus chakra associated with the clour yellow allows individuals to transform the inertia of an anger such as emotion into action and movement.

The mirror represents reflectivity. The ability to learn from the past and to understand how to better meets the challenges faced within ones life. The main challenge of this narrative is to find our way to a sense of personal power that supports us in being proactive rather then reactive or inactive.

This is a very true story for me. I tend to react to life circumstances; I have been known to have emotional outbursts and am often stressed out. But as someone with an over active third chakra I have been able to move towards my anger and have, through trail and error, learn how to move forward in life with confidence and power.

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In all, these images reflects my desire to have the ability to make conscious choices to choose and to balance action with reflection and to develop the clarity I need to always have the power to choose.